I Understand You Perfectly!!!

Somewhere in my past I got the idea that I must be perfect. As a mother, I should know instinctively what my children are thinking and feeling. Or rather, that they should be just like me so that I would always know what’s going on in their little worlds. Thank God that’s not true…I’d hate to see little clones of myself…however, I’d like a little more intuition when it comes to the Asperger’s nature of my child. Please?

I shoulda known that he’d have a little meltdown yesterday. I just didn’t realize that he’d smack me over the head with insight again. I hate it when that happens. Makes me feel like a teeny tiny Mommy. He wanted to play a Wii game…fine. Wii on? Check. TV on? Check. Wii game inserted? Check. Anything working? NOPE. Just a frozen image, 47″ wide, staring back at us from the screen.

Him: “Mom, it’s frozen again.”

Me: “Great…just great.” (Frustration sets in cause I know now that a tantrum is coming if this isn’t going to work. Not in the planned agenda…tears soon to follow. And I am not in the best of moods myself.)

Him: “I’ll just wait a little and see if it starts.”

Me: “It’s stuck. It’s not going to work.”

Stupid me reaches over and ejects the disc from the Wii. Pushes the power button. Won’t turn off, won’t do anything. Crap!

Him: “AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!” (I actually winced before he did it, i knew it was coming.) “WHY did you take it out? Why? Why? You broke it!!! Put it back.”

Me: “No, it’s not working. This stupid disc froze the whole machine and we’ll have to wait until Dad gets home to fix it.”

Him: Sob, gasp, Sob, wail “NO! I can fix it! Just put it back in the Wii and I’ll fix it. I know how to do it!!”

Me: “No you don’t buddy. Last time this happened we had to wait for Dad.” (Trying to stuff down the frustrated voice is not working.)

Him: Sob gasp Sob Wail! Tears are flowing, he’s spinning in circles. “No, I can! I can! I can!”

Me: “No, you can’t. Just stop crying and find something else to do! Do you understand what I’m saying? It’s broken right now and you can’t fix it!!!”(Clearly frustrated now, no guessing there.)

Silence except for a few sniffles and occasional sob. Like a switch went off in his brain.
He calmly looks at me (well, at my chin since he can’t stand the eye contact for long).

Deep breath. Shakes the head real fast to shake off the tantrum.

Him: “I understand you perfectly! I just don’t know how to get you to understand me!”

Wow. Bam, right there on the forehead. Smack!

I’m trying little man, really I am. I understand you perfectly now.

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Daniel Choi
    Jan 14, 2010 @ 12:45:17

    Goodness.. I have these epiphanies w/ my son as well… granted he doesn’t have Aspergers (sp?).. but I believe the notion or belief that we are intuitively connected w/ our children’s thoughts, emotions, and state of being are a bit unrealistic.

    I’m learning that everyday. Makes me feel really small and sometimes a bit of a failure as a Dad too.

    But then he looks at me w/ his big brown eyes and that toothsome smile.. and my heart melts.

    Parenthood.. whodda thunk that?

    Reply

  2. Shivon
    Jan 14, 2010 @ 14:10:59

    GIGANTIC HUGS….Im right here with you

    Reply

  3. Our Sentiments
    Jan 18, 2010 @ 01:29:43

    Wow just wow. Hugs, don’t be so hard on yourself!

    Reply

  4. Corrie
    Jan 19, 2010 @ 20:31:36

    Wow! That was like a mallet between the eyes. I can so relate to knowing that a meltdown is coming and not knowing how to respond to it. My husband is better stopping the meltdown after it starts. He “gets it” he says (he has a little Aspie in him too.)

    Reply

  5. Gabrielle Bryden
    Jan 22, 2010 @ 19:00:18

    It’s all so familiar. My ASD son has a habit or repeating back stuff he has learned (and understood) from his teachers or therapists like ‘mummy, you are using your angry voice. Time to calm down’. Which always leaves me stunned and feeling like I’m a naughty kid and then we just laugh together.

    Reply

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