A Root Canal Would be Easier

Sometimes we fight with every ounce of strength against a thing that we do not want to do.  Control is a hard thing to let go of.

Charlie slept through Monday and Tuesday. I say “Slept” because he snored a lot and wouldn’t respond much unless someone moved him and then he moaned a little. The doctors said it will be a matter of days…but it could be many, many days.

Liam spent some time alone in the room with him crying and talking to him. He wouldn’t tell me what he said to Poppy. His only comment was that “Poppy’s breathing sounds like Darth Vader.”  Every day, Liam’s first question when he gets home from school “Is Poppy dead yet?”  His heartache is anxiety over seeing all of the sad people to come.

This morning, Poppy was awake with his eyes shut and talked to Fay and I for about an hour. He seemed to have a few things to resolve. We told him that everything was taken care of and that he didn’t have to worry anymore. Then, he began to fight against the delusions and confusion that started. He was in line somewhere in New York waiting for his turn to get a role in a play.  He wanted the lid of the jar in his hands opened.  He wanted to know who I was. He said I looked like Santa Claus or something.

“Here’s our escape route….we turn left.”  Really? GREAT!!! Let’s go babe!

He’s fighting this every step of the way. It’s hurting him, it’s hurting her and all of us who wish is wouldn’t be this hard. A root canal would be easier than watching him sometimes. I guess people’s personalities follow them through the death journey too. Always in control, he’s controlling this one too.


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