Thomas The Tank and God STOP

I would like to close myself up in a room for about a week. Or sit at the end of a pier on a misty lake in an Adirondack chair with a blanket around me. Not alone though. Surrounded by books, pencils and all the notebooks I can fill. And my laptop. I have a friend who also just had surgery for which recovery is long. She is not allowed to speak for weeks afterwards; she’s off to the mountains to be alone and read. The idea is that this will speed her recovery. I’m only mildly envious of her.

Yesterday I cried harder than I have in a very long time. One step forward; then flat on your butt. The story of my life sometimes. The surgeon said everything looks great but I need to take it easy for at least six more weeks. He wasn’t clued in before the surgery to the degree of damage I had in my spine. Therefore, recovery will take longer than expected. He’s also not clued in to the fact that my brain will implode if I sit here much longer doing little, gaining weight and surfing the web. I also need to provide for my family; we are a two wage-earner team and that’s not negotiable. It also means that I need to wait to start school, which is the one thing I am most disappointed about. I was already pushed off until March; now it’s at least May. So I need to make some decisions and I was feeling mighty overwhelmed.

So, I just bawled for a while. It seems like everything good happens to the other guy. Things always go perfectly for someone else. No one else has any problems and no one else has any pain. Know what I mean?

Then, my young son (yes, him of the sweet sleep) wanted to watch his new Thomas the Tank Engine Movie. The theme song of Thomas is called “Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining”. Leave it to my Father in Heaven to decide this little child had a lesson for me. I listened to this whacky song for the first time the whole way through. When it was done, I felt better.

I’ll find my silver lining. In each of my day I look for Godstops. (This being a word I learned from Beth Moore.) STOP=Savoring The Observable Presence. A conscious effort to find obvious physical signs of God working in your surroundings. Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends were my Godstop yesterday. I didn’t see that one coming.

I so clearly see the beginning shape of the ministry that God has laid before me. Why do I think that NOW, all of a sudden, He’d change his mind?! This little bump in the road will not stop me from reaching my goal. Oh, ye of little faith! OH ME OF LITTLE FAITH! Good grief! When will I stop wallowing in the mire of self pity and get on board with Thomas and Friends?

Matthew 6:25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life….(SEE!)….what you will eat or drink; or about what you will wear…”(As of today, one pair of pants fits me again! Really.)… 27 “Who of you by worrying can add a SINGLE hour to his life?”

He promised.

I just can’t forget it.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gecko Girl
    Jan 24, 2007 @ 01:40:57

    You know we all have our hang-ups and things that don’t pan out the way we want. God made me have a baby to remind me of that! 🙂

    Thanks for the reminder!


  2. Anonymous
    Jan 31, 2007 @ 06:49:54

    Audrey, I’ve come across your website from browsing the Dalat alumni site.

    Just wanted to lend some support and empathy regarding the surgery stuff. I had spine surgery in June of 2006. Had to take the whole summer off more or less. Been back to work since September but frankly I’m still not fully healed and suffering a couple post-surgical complications. I also know about the bawling afterwards when they tell you things were worse then they thought. I also know how problems with a spine can derail a career. I don’t know your specific situation, but here’s to the both of us and our recoveries. Best Blesings,
    Sharmila (Didi) Daniel


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